#48 Blog. The Awkward Upgrade: From Peer to Manager. What to do as First-Time Managers

You used to grab coffee together, vent about your boss, laugh at Slack memes during lunch. Now… you’re their manager.

For many first-time managers, the toughest shift isn’t the workload- it’s the change in relationships. Moving from team member to team leader is a real and often tricky transition, especially when you're managing peers or close friends.

It can stir up guilt, awkwardness, self-doubt- and sometimes even pushback from the team. I ask about this dynamic in every leadership workshop or coaching series I lead: “Are you managing your former peers?” Because I’ve been there too. And it’s a thing.

Navigating this transition isn’t just about adjusting your own mindset- it’s about reshaping dynamics with people who know you well.

Some of the most common challenges include:

• Blurred boundaries: It’s hard to separate “friend mode” from “manager mode.”

• Fear of losing connection: You worry the bond will change- or that they’ll pull away.

• Avoiding tough conversations: Feedback and accountability feel trickier.

• Perceived favoritism: Others may think you're playing favorites, even if you're not.

• Shifting identity: You’re learning how to see yourself—and be seen—as a leader.

  

What To Do About It

While there’s no perfect roadmap or guideline, there are strategies that can help you move through this transition with clarity, confidence, and care.

1. Acknowledge the Shift- Out Loud

Be transparent about the new dynamic. A simple conversation can set the tone:

“I know this is a shift for both of us. I value our relationship, and I want to make sure we’re clear on expectations so we can succeed together.”

Naming the change helps reduce the tension and shows you’re aware and thoughtful about it.

2. Redefine Boundaries (Respectfully)

You don’t need to end the friendship- but you do need new structure. Define when you're speaking as a manager and when you're not. You can still be approachable without being ambiguous. Gossip around at the coffee probably will not be appropriate anymore…

3. Lead with Fairness, Not Familiarity

Decide based on what’s best for the team- not past loyalty. Don’t overcompensate by being overly tough to appear unbiased; that can be just as damaging. When things get tricky, seek your manager’s perspective- it’s often the distance you need.

4. Set Expectations Early

Familiarity doesn’t equal clarity. Just because someone knows your style doesn’t mean they know your expectations. As a manager, it’s your job to set clear goals, give feedback, and hold people accountable- even if you once shared frustrations or agreed on shortcuts you no longer stand by.

5. Find a Safe Space for You

Don’t process your leadership stress with your team. Talk to a coach, mentor, or someone outside your direct circle. You’ll need a safe place to work through the emotional side of leadership growth.

I highly recommend giving RiseBud a try—it's a new platform designed specifically for managers like you!Built around real-life dilemmas, it offers practical tips, activities, and personalized AI support to help you grow with confidence.

Closing Reflection

Becoming a manager of your former peers isn’t about distancing yourself or pretending the past didn’t happen. It’s about growing into a new role- with the same people, but a new purpose.

It may feel awkward at first, but this moment is also an opportunity to lead with clarity, to model respect and to show that leadership is not about hierarchy- it’s about humanness.

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